Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. For example, if you have a strong dislike for someone, you might instead believe that he or she does not like you. Projection functions to allow the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.

(I found this definition HERE.)

Well, I don't show off, don't criticize
I'm just livin' by my own feelings
And I won't give in, won't compromise
I just only have a steadfast heart of gold

Hey gang... I'll explain the definition at the top in a bit, but first, I have a few things to talk about. So.. I might be getting a hedgehog. There's a strong possibility that I will be owning my own hedgehog. I am so flipping excited I can't wait. I need to get a job as soon as possible, though. If I get one, that means I need a cage, food, water, a place to put the cage, and there's always toys. But still, my mom is considering letting me have my own hedgehog. I want a boy, because boys are always less aggressive than girls. And I'm going to name him Dante. Dante the Hedgehog. Totally epic.

I don't know why, I can't leave though it might be tough
But I ain't out of control, just livin' by my word
Don't ask me why, I don't need a reason
I got my way, my own way

My friend that snapped at me last week.. I sorted things out with her today. I went to go see my guidance counselor about what I should do, and she told me that she needed to call both of us in there together so that we could talk. I was really for it. So, she wrote me a pass, and told me to come back 15 minutes before the end of the day.

It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fight
There is no way I will run away from all of my frights
Long as the voice inside me says go, I will always keep on running
There is no way to stop me from going to the very top

So, I did.

It doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right

I got in there, and my friend was already there, and she seemed to be in a good mood. That was a good sign. We sat down, and we talked for a bit. All this past week/end, I felt that I was just bugging her to death. I kept getting that impression. So, I avoided her. (I'm glad I made it discreet, because she had no idea I was actually going out of my way to avoid her.) We talked, got off topic a little, and kept talking, something I rarely get to do with her anymore. Anyways, she told me that it was nothing personal, she just needed space. And I have to understand that. I need to realize that I can't be the one to solve all her problems, even if I want to. I can't. She needs to be able to work them out on her own. So, she's asked me to let her be for a while, but she's not mad. Just stressed.

Well, I won't look back I don't need to
Time won't wait and I got so much to do

Okay, I can do that, right?

Where do I stop, it's all a blur and so unclear
Well, I don't know but I can't be wrong

Today, right before second period, I asked a friend of mine if she was okay. She'd had a bad Friday, and I wanted to make sure she was all right, you know? She told me that she was, and if I asked again, she'd hit me. She was kidding, but another friend of mine noticed this and told me that she thought I was projecting. I asked her why, and she told me why.

This fight is not for anybody, this is purely for myself
There is no way I'm gonna give up 'til the very end
I can't tell what is wrong and what is right, I've got to find the answer
But I do there's no way I will ever give up

The definition says that it's a defense mechanism that involves taking our own bad feelings and ascribing them to something else. Well, I've almost always got something troubling on my mind, and that makes me think that everyone around me has something on their mind. So, I always ask people if they're okay. And I'm guilty of that, on a number of levels. I agree with my friend, I'm projecting.

Place all your bets on the one you think is right

All in all, it was a good Monday.

It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fight
There is no way I will run away from all of my frights
Long as the voice inside me says go, I will always keep on running
There is no way to stop me from going to the very top

(The lyrics I used were from Crush 40's "It Doesn't Matter")

~Tim