New layout

The old one was depressing me.

xP

New post soonish.

On the phone with Tatum

First thing she says when I start typing this post:

"Get away from my mouth! I don't care care if you love me at this time of night, just get away from my mouth!" XD

She's referring to her kitten.


Huavo: :{D
Huavo's pet squid:
"You have a blog? That baffles my mind! It's kind of like.. How did people come up with soap? Or shampoo? It just.. baffles my mind."

"Oh shit, my mom's home. She's gonna be like 'why you on the floor, with the phone in your hand?' Argh."


"Dude. My bathroom smells like lavender."


Haha, we're epic.

Another aeroplane, Another sunny place

I'm in a fantastic mood right now. All that's wrong is I can't find the cord linking my camera to my computer. Oh well. I'll find it.

Last night, I didn't get to play the guitar for my class. After they got in from snack, the "board" commanded us to bring our kids to the gym, so we could all watch some old '90s movie. (It wasn't very good, and it scared a lot of the kids.) At 6, I packed up my guitar, and grabbed my things, and made my way to the door. As I got to the window to see if I could see my dad, one of my kids ran up behind me, gave me a hug, and asked me to play the guitar for her. So, I sat down, and played "Home" by Michael Buble. She really liked it, and asked me to play a song for her mom before they left. I played a short little version of Canon in D as they walked out the door, and my kid smiled at me, and left to get in her car. Dad showed up a few minutes later, and picked me up, and he, Juli, and I made our way to get Chinese Food. All in all, it was a good Friday.

Today, we (me and a gang of friends) celebrated Tatum's birthday at the Eno. I finally formally met Carmen, a friend of hers, and we hit it off like a bang. I showed up at the Eno with a big pink bag, with a teddy bear in it. Tatum LOVED the teddy bear. I was glad, I was terrified about what to get her. Anyways, we had a great time today. I made a new friend, I saw people I haven't seen all summer, and I swam around all day, like a fish. :]

Good good Weekend, so far. ^_^

~ Tim

I'm looking forward to the weekend.

This week has been.. At best, bad.

On Monday, I went from when I woke up to about 11:45 without any food. I had nothing to eat for breakfast, we were out of food. At school, I was hungry, and had a bad migraine all day. At work, I was cranky, and yelled at a kid for touching me. As soon as I got home, I called it quits, took my pill, and went to bed. I had had enough of Monday. Monday sucked. And what sucked even worse was I knew I had my homework to do, but I'd have to do it in the morning.

Tuesday, I woke up, did my homework, and it was off to a pretty great morning. UNTIL the car ride. My dad yelled at me once, and I didn't talk to him for the rest of the trip, except mumbling "Thanks" when he said "Have a good day". (Later, Juli told me he felt bad for yelling at me.) You just DON'T yell at me in the morning. That's how I have bad days. My day is mounted upon my mornings. If I don't have a good morning, I have an awful day. I ALWAYS do my best to stay positive in the morning, but truth be told, I'm not happy. I'd rather be asleep.
Later, in Parenting, my teacher was listening to "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi. I decided then that Tuesday would be better. And it was, for the most part. I aced a few quizzes, obliterated a US history assignment (my teacher wrote "Excellent Job!!" at the top of my paper. I felt speshul. :D), and I got to see my kids, headache free. Later, at home, I bought the family dinner, and we watched a TV show, then went to bed.

Wednesday and today were alright. For the most part, all that's wrong is:

~~I'm INCREDIBLY tired.

~~One of my best friends at Work, Lindsey, is quitting. That kinda has me down. :/ She drives me everyday, and we talk on the way there. I've learned a lot about her. But, my point is, she will be missed. She's taken a lot of garbage there, and I understand why she's leaving. I wish she could stay, but oh well. I'll still see her everyday.

Tomorrow, Friday, I have a massive Unit 1 US history test, and a Physics Lab due. I finished the lab, but I don't know if I did it right.. The math is lost on me. I'm not worried about the Test, I love US history. But still. It is weighing on me.
That and the atmosphere around this family NEEDS to change. I'm sick of my mom yelling at the rest of us. I know I take what she says to me and turn it into a big deal. But hey, it's not fair. If she wanted to have kids, this is the consequence.

All I can say is
I'm looking forward to the weekend.


~ Tim

The FIRST day of Eleventh Grade

Wait, what?!

*is smacked by the reality that he's an upperclassmen*

It all feels like it's happening a little too fast.Screw that, it's happening incredibly fast. I still remember, clear as day, the first day I went to check out my elementary school. I was fascinated with the big bright, blue doors, and the colorful toys. The chipping paint went unnoticed as my shoes squeaked up the hall, towards the cafeteria. My guide showed me the whole school, and I gawked at the gym- You could fit my room in there eighty times!

Today, my dad dropped me off at my new high school. I rushed in the doors, and made my way to H hall. Except, I wound out on N hall. I had to ask for directions, and even THOSE got me sent to the wrong place. I eventually made it to my homeroom, where I chose a seat in the back of the room, away from everyone. Gradually, people poured in through the doors, and it was like segregation or something: All the black kids sat with me on the right side of the room, and all the white kids sat on the left. I didn't feel inclined to move- I liked where I was sitting. I recognized about three faces, but no one paid me any notice.

Homeroom lasted two hours. I about fell asleep a few times, but I didn't. All the kids on my side of the room cracked jokes about reefer, and all the kids on the other side amused themselves with stories about summer. The teacher had gotten through going over the rules, and we were waiting for the bell to ring. It rang after about twenty minutes, and I made my way to my Parenting and Child Development class.

After getting lost (again), I stumbled into the room, and chose a seat. At the front of the room. Close to the door. What was I thinking? Anyways, people came in and sat down. I was, and am, the solitary white male in my class. 96% are black females, with 3% black males. No one paid me any mind, again. I didn't recognize a soul. The girl sitting behind me is actually expecting. She's due next week. Our teacher has this heavy African accent, and she brought out the babies that we're going to take care of. They're so.. Ish. They're creepy. But if I care for it and support it, I'll pass the class. Okay, I can do that.

I think.

The bell rang, and I made my way to my second period, Spanish 3. I sat down in my assigned seat, and watched people come into the room. I recognized only one, but he didn't notice me. Again. *sigh* Anyways, Spanish started, and we had a little fun talking about ourselves. Nothing really special here, so I'll move on.

As I went to Physics, I passed Lindsey, my friend from work. She said hey, I said hey, and then went on my way. I came in the door for Physics, and immediately recognized three faces. Two of which did not know me. HOWEVER the last one did! I had lunch with him later, and we talked about stuff. So, I have one friend, so far. Yay!

Physics came and went, and then it was time for the last period. I went to US history, eager to see who all I recognized. I got lost again, and had to stop for directions. But, when I went in, I noticed three people I knew! Again, only one acknowledged me. But she sat next to me, and we talked a little. I really like my History Teacher- in fact, she knows my teacher from last year! She said my teacher said really nice things about me. I smiled.

I got lost on my way to find Lindsey, but I found her eventually, and we walked to the parking lot. She and I dropped our stuff off at her car, and she told me we weren't leaving yet; She had a few errands to run. I sat near the car, and sighed. I was sad that so few recognized me. However, I understand.

Lindsey got back, then dropped me off at work shortly, and that's all I have to say.


~ Tim

Freudian Psychology, Jobs, and School

I.
Got.
A.
JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I work at a local church, as an afterschool teacher. I work with Mrs. A and we watch over a group of second and third graders. I showed up at the interview the first day; it was about 10:00. The steps seemed to be a lot bigger than I had remembered them being. I climb up the stairs, pulled open the doors, and made my way to the office, where Mrs. K was waiting for me. She took me back to a pre-school room, and the interview commenced. She started asking me some basic questions, then some more thoughtful ones. I left the church, feeling like I nailed the interview, and got in my mom's car and talked to her about how it went.

Two days later, I got the call that I had been accepted. It was then that I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, I jumped up and down shouting and cheering.

On my first day of work, I was terrified. I had thrown up in the car on the way over to the church. All that was going through my mind was "What if I screw up?!" I got there, and walked into the office. There, waiting for me, was a room full of people I didn't know at all. However, to the right, I saw a familiar face. It was one of my best friends growing up! (I'm not saying people's real names for obvious reasons. :P) I was walked around the church, and shown where I would be working, and then I waited in th gym with everyone else. At around 3:45, the children burst through the steel doors. I was shocked at how many kids there were! I didn't know at the time what group I was assigned to, but was shortly told I would be teaching 2nd/3rd combo.

Our group showed up, everyone was there, and we played Pac-Man in the gym. I jumped in and played with the kids, and we all had a lot of fun. We went back to the classroom, then had snack, and came back to the classroom for homework time. I had immediately hit it off with almost all of the kids, and I helped my assistant teacher's kid with her math. Ugh. Math. But I CAN do second or third grade math. :D

The kids made their way home, then I left as my dad came to pick me up. I had had an amazing day, and was ready for day two.


I'm noticing different personalities in these kids, and it fascinates me! Some are very outgoing, others are not. It reminds me of what I learned in English about Freud's Id, Ego, and Superego. ^_^ I enjoyed that lesson. And now I see all these kids, and how they apply to it.

Anyways.


Now, here I am, starting my third week. The kids are slowly figuring out what grinds my gears, and they're pushing it. However, I love each and every single one of them. They're a good group. And I really wan to keep this job. So... I'm switching schools. I'm no longer going to DSA, but I'm switching. DSA lets out at 3:45, and I need to BE there by 3:45. And there's no way I could be there by then. So, I decided switching was the best thing to do. I made a lot of friends there, and I'm sure I'll make a lot more. My friends that I'm leaving will just have to carry on without me. However, it's not like I'm dying or disappearing. There will be those that I miss. There will also be those that I will be soooo happy to leave.


Alrighty. I must leave now.
Bye-bye.
Hasta luego.

~ Tim

My fanfic, Knight~Sky

Chapter one: An old friend in need

Focusing on his target, the young cleric sighed, and closed his eyes. He put his left foot forward, in front of his right. He raised his blunt mace to the sky, and prayed a quick prayer. Suddenly, a bright beam of light appeared over the fighter on his right. The scratches on his arms healed themselves, and the huge gash on his stomach closed up instantly.

“I’ll sow up that shirt for you, Lysimachus” said the cleric.

Lysimachus turned, and thanked the cleric for his help. “It’s alright; I can take care of it.”

His armor hadn’t been too damaged; there was a slight tear in the front.
“I’ll stop by Pey on our way back to Roumen” said Lysimachus. “Did you get all that you needed?”

The cleric pulled out his list, and crossed “hero slimes” off of it. “All I need now.. Is that stupid gang imp, and his cohorts, those bored imps. I can’t do it alone.” “Alright, I can do that” replied Lysimachus.

The pair made their way down the hill, and took a right into the tall dark forest. Slowly moving as to not wake up a nearby sleeping honeying, they made their way to a small clearing in the forest. Off in the distance, there was a trio of arguing imps.

“Okay, here’s the plan” whispered Lysimachus. “I’ll run in, and mock the leader. When he runs after me, his buddies are sure to be backing him up. As I’m fighting, don’t do anything but keep me alive. Don’t worry: This will be a snap.”

The cleric nodded, and took up a position behind a rock. Lysimachus made his way over to the thugs, and shouted “Hey, you stupid bunch of low-lives! I bet you couldn’t even hurt me if you tried!”

The leader looked up, and then charged at Lysimachus. Raising his sword and shield, Lysimachus got into a defensive stance, ready to swing his sword. Right as the imp was up on him, Lysimachus sliced the imp as hard as he could. It did no good.

“He’s got to have a weak point..” thought Lysimachus.

He didn’t have long to think; the bored imps were flying at him from both sides. The cleric stayed in the back, watching the fight, doing his best to keep the fighter alive. Lysimachus smiled, as he found the leaders weakness. He thrust his sword into the imp’s right leg, and it stumbled to the ground. Green blood spurted out of the imp’s wound; Lysimachus had struck an artery. The imp slowly died, then disappeared into a cloud of dust. The bored imps noticed their leader’s death, and turned around and fled for the forest. The cleric cheered from the background, and rushed over to examine the loot that the leader had dropped.

Lysimachus collapsed onto the ground, writhing in pain. “Those sneaky imps..poisoned me..”

The cleric wheeled around, and rushed to his side. Frantically trying to heal him, Lysimachus told him not to worry.

“The poison is not very strong. He just caught me off guard, that’s all. Do you have your warp scrolls on hand?”

Relieved, the cleric nodded.

“Okay. I’ve got to go see an old friend.. So, I’ll see you around.”

“You too!” replied the cleric. He disappeared into a puff of smoke as he unraveled the bow holding the scroll together.

Lysimachus got up, and took out a scroll labeled “Roumen”. He untied the knot, and as soon as he did, he felt that familiar sensation of being lifted off of his feet. He immediately touched down in a familiar section of town. Walking across the bridge, he noticed a lone figure sitting on the fountain’s edge.

Lysimachus walked over to him, placed a hand on his shoulder, and said to him “It’s been a while, Roxas. I heard you had given up, and returned home.”

Roxas got up and said “And I hear you’re still helping children do small tasks around Roumen. I tease, haha. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good, Roxas. It’s good to see you again. Here, follow me, let’s take a walk.” The two figures walked off, chatting.


“So what brings you back to Isya, Roxas?” Asked Lysimachus.

“Well, Lysi, I got a letter in the mail the other day. It was from Gibbous.”

Lysimachus stopped. “THE Gibbous? As in.. Our old Guildmaster?”

“Yes, that Gibbous.”

Lysimachus felt his heart flutter for a moment. Gibbous had been sort of a mother to he and Roxas. She taught Roxas how to heal. Her friend, Icariox, had taught Lysimachus how to fight. Icariox had been Lysimachus’ best friend, until he went rogue, and disappeared.

Lysimachus scratched his head. “I hope she doesn’t want us to rejoin her guild… I’m in The Company now. I’ve got a lot of friends there.. I couldn’t possibly leave them.”

Roxas shook his head. “No.. No, not like that. I left too, remember? She gave us the option to quit, and we did. The letter simply said that-"

“Aack!” Roxas crumpled to the ground, dead.

Lysimachus gasped, and knelt down and picked up his fallen friend. He looked around. He realized that the two of them were in the Ancien Elven Woods. They had lost track of where they were going, and walked right into archer territory.

“Help! Help!” shouted Lysimachus. “Is anyone there?!” Suddenly, a large, blunt rock came into contact with Lysimachus’ head, and he was knocked out. A big Greenky picked up Lysimachus, and carried him back to the woods...

Out of the frying pan and into.. Another frying pan.

Haha, that's how I feel right now. I've just gotten home from babysitting thing one and thing two, and they weren't exactly the best for me. They weren't bouncing off the wall- wait, no, they were. Or they tried to, at least. I never thought I'd have to utter the words "Stop trying to fart in your brothers face!" or "No, you cannot get dressed upside down." They weren't horrible, but the bottom line is that they could have been better. Oh well. I got paid. :3 Does that make me a horrible person? Haha, possibly. Me and Josh have already decided that we have a resort waiting for us by the lake of fire in hell, so...

Anyways, I got home, and all anyone has done ever since we got home was bicker. Arguing seems to be a way of life around our house. And it really shouldn't be. I know I do half of the yelling, but it takes two to tango, you know? Some recent events have kept us all really tense; You really could cut the tension with a pair of scissors. A family isn't meant to be that way. A family is a group of people who love each other, not a group of angry adults. Everyone needs to take a break from one another. However, that's an impossibility right now. Anyways... Yeah, family life has been real fun. Pfft. I dunno if mom's even reading this. If she is, oh well. It's a free country. Not like I'm spilling our deepest darkest secrets out onto the web, or anything. I'm just sick of the arguing. So is everyone.

I asked my aunt what I should do. Aunt Robin is like a wealth of knowledge. She told me that I need to get a job, and get out of the house. We all need a job. We all need somewhere to go everyday, somewhere when we go, we'll appreciate family life a little more. I agree! It sounds like a great idea. So.. I've applied everywhere.

And I have a job interview tomorrow. :D

I've never been so terrified and excited at the same time in all my life. And what's better is that the woman who'd be my manager WANTS me for the job. All I have to do is get some thing situated out with my school about leaving early to go to my job (because it's part of my pathway), and I'm a shoo-in. I just hope I make a good impression. :D

Anyways, wish me luck on my interview!

~ Tim

"At least I have my guitar."

Ha. I've said that numerous times before. And it's true, I love the guitar.

It's a cool, yet beautiful instrument. It can be made into harder sounds, like rock, and it can be semi, like pop. Or, go classical, and you have yourself an ambivalent instrument. I think I used "ambivalent" right, at least.

I have a lot of reasons to be upset right now. Let me rephrase that, "I have WAY too many reasons to be upset right now." And staying positive is easier said than done. So is maintaining your sanity. However; When things discourage you, you cannot succumb to it. You must be positive. And that usually takes help.

I play an MMORPG called "Fiesta". In it, I'm in a guild. My guildmates have no idea how much stress they're alleviating every time they make me laugh, and they always make me laugh. Haha, I'm laughing right now just thinking about them.

Thanks guys, if you're reading this. <3

~ Tim

The gig, Fourth of July, and worries.

Okay. Bad news first.

Two of my nearest and dearest friends, who I care very very much about, are about to do something that I don't particularly find "safe". They're headed out of state, in the car of a guy I don't even know (or trust for that matter), to see some people that they've never met, face to face. Urgh. It rubs me the very very very wrong way. I'm worried about both of them, for their safety, well-being, and "pureness" if you catch my drift. Guys are impulsive morons; being one, I would know. *sigh* I know half of this is feelings that I cannot deny, but have to. The other half are the fact that I feel that I am the only person left that I know that has much common sense. My friends are all heading down some deep, deep roads, and I can't stop them. I wish I could, but I can't.

Okay, okay. Bad news over.

The GOOD news is that it's the Fourth of July! On this day is 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed and our country declared itself free from Great Britain. Today, our soldiers continue to fight for our freedom, as tyranny and terrorism sweep the third world nations, endangering our country. It's sad to say that some people don't support our troops as well as they should, nor do they honor them. Well screw you guys, our troops rock; They're the reason you have the freedom to say and do a lot of what you can. So grow a pair and get over it.

Today, my dad and his band "Double Shot", performed out in the countryside for some friends of the family. I tagged along and was the quote-unquote "roadie". Setting up was a lot of fun, and then I got attacked by a wave of seven year olds, but hey- it was fun too. I played the guitar after the band was through, and listened to some country and picked some chords out. While I played, a few couples got up to dance, and I had a sentimental moment. =P Haha. Well, all in all, it was an awesome gig.

And now, I'm going to bed. Tomorrow, the beach. Yay!

~ Tim

She's a ride on a Mystery Train

I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into. I've got a girlfriend. *gasp* Oh hush. But no, last time I did this, half of my friends waged war on me, and then my other half backed me up and hated the half that waged war on me in the first place. It was like WWIII or something. But we're all over that. Good thing, too. Anyways, so, all my friends know, and they all don't have a problem. It's my family that has the issue this time. My sister doesn't know her at all, and therefore creates a biased opinion and doesn't like her. Mom cracks all these jokes about her (and doesn't know that I'm actually listening and feeling kinda bad whenever she does), and dad doesn't really care. My best friends are rooting me on on the sidelines, and I'm glad for that at least. But my family could be a LITTLE more supportive. Back to my point, I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into with her- I don't know everything about her. I know the basics, but not the, uhh, non-basics?

There are days when she's a whisper
Nights when she's a scream
A reason to wake up in the morning
To close your eyes and dream
She'll curse you like a sailor
She'll wound you with her eyes
She always makes it better
But she won't apologize
I know everything about her but don't know her at all

So, I can't talk about much of it (for two reasons: she's asked me not to, and I'm not sure who all reads this...), but I know she's been through some stuff. Stuff meaning shit. Shit meaning deep shit. All I can do is talk to her at this point, because I refuse to do to her what I've done in the past to others- hold their hands through all their problems. That doesn't help, it only makes it so you don't learn from what's happened. So, all I do is talk to her. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about that. I love it. Talking to her is very fun, and I enjoy every moment of it. Now, if only she had her own phone...

She's a ride on a mystery train
To a place you've never been before
Better hold on tight to that mystery train
You're not in Kansas anymore
She's a ride
Mystery train

She told me she was going over to her dad's house this weekend for Fourth of July weekend. She didn't sound to happy about that. She's told me her parents are divorced, and she strongly prefers her mother. She won't have any way of talking to me, or I to her. I thought about mailing my cell phone to her, but that idea came a little late. So, all I can do is hope that she's having fun, and not getting into trouble.

She cries because she's happy
She sings songs when she's mad
Like a stiff drink when you need it
She's good at being bad
And long before you knew her you knew she was the one

She's definitely not like anyone I've ever met before. She may be almost two years younger than me, but she's much more mature than me. But again, she's a girl. Girls are supposed to be more mature. Still.. I wish she would tell me more sometimes.

She's a ride on a mystery train
To a place you've never been before
Better hold on tight to that mystery train
You're not in Kansas anymore
She's a ride
Mystery train

I know everything about her but don't know her at all

Oh well. I've promised her to take it one step at a time, and I'll figure out what she's trying to tell me along the way. I have a feeling I have a bit to learn about her, and she about me.

She's a ride on a mystery train
To a place I've never been before
Better hold on tight to that mystery train
I'm not in Kansas anymore
She's a ride
On a mystery train
She's a ride
On a mystery train

~ Tim

You know you're real productive when...

...you and four or five of your best friends go to see a movie you hate and two of you mock it the whole time. Believe me, it MAY piss off everyone around you, but it is a hell of a lot of fun! Haha. No, I tease. Eclipse, while the Twilight saga may not be my favorite set of movies, was for the most part okay. Me and Annie were cracking up through the whole thing, and that's probably why I had fun. That and cookout afterwards. Anyways, it was a great day, we had a lot of laughs, and I enjoyed it all.

I'm going to miss these days.

I mean, I'm going to be a freaking Junior next year. Really?! An upperclassmen, me?! Who died and decided that was going to happen? I'm still a kid! Albeit I turn seventeen in less than three months, but still! I'm too young for this. *sigh* To be honest, I'm nervous. This past year, sophomore year, was horrible. It was absolutely positively the worst year of school I've ever had the horror of living through. Hell, I think part of me died last year. And it was all to do with stupid, childish games, dramatic idiots leading me and my best friends on, lies, and just nonsense. I've never seen so many teenagers act like absolute babies. And I was in the middle of it, because I CHOSE to be in the middle of it. I chose badly, too. I'm like that- I like to help, I like to be there, I like to do what I can, and I had a hard time realizing that I'm only sixteen! I'm not a counselor, I'm not God, I'm not even an adult! I'm a kid. A kid who doesn't know that calling 911 for a friend who is being beaten is the ONLY way to help with that situation. It took me so long to figure that out. It took me up until the very last day I went to school before summer to figure that out. I wish I could go back, lay a hand on my shoulder, and tell me that I can't do all that, not now. My mother, someone who's far braver, and far wiser than I think I could ever be, once told me that I'm not superman. I can't save everyone. And I now see that she's right. And I'm sorry, for everyone that I tried to help. I probably ended up hurting you, in the end.

I did a lot of hurting myself, last year. I hurt, and made other hurt. I hurt because, well, two reasons: I'm an idiot, and, well, I'm an idiot. The first way is because when it comes to love, I have no idea where I'm going, or what I'm doing. All I know is sex is a disease that can kill you before you're married. Well that's what I'm TOLD. I'm not sure I believe it, but it's drilled into my head that abstinence is key. So, I'm still a virgin. But back to my point, I don't know what to do with love. Sure, I loved someone last year, and broke her heart a time or two. Unintentionally. But we're over that, and I wouldn't change our relationship for the world, and she knows that. I've told her. The second way I'm an idiot is that I get so involved in other peoples problems, so intertwined, that I become like a sponge: I soak up their emotions, and I make them my own. I get to know how they feel, and I worry. God, do I worry. I worry twenty four hours a day, eight days a week. But.. I'm getting better. I'm not the same idiot I was, either way.

As scary as this year coming up seems, I think it'll be better than last year. I'm armed with knowledge, and new found wisdom: I admit I'm not superman. I can't always help, I can turn you to someone who can, though. But I'm not superman, nor have I ever been.

~ Tim

*Sample *Intro to story

So.. Yeah. I wrote the intro to a story about this MMORPG I play. Enjoy...? Haha.

~Intro~

As the Sun's bright rays graced the bright beautiful sea, the Captain peered through his telescope on the deck of the Isya. He didn't see much to begin with; it was all ocean in every direction. However, one of the men assigned to the crow's nest declared "Land ho!", and pointed due southwest. All heads on board turned and saw what looked to be a tiny speck in the distance. The Captain rushed up to the wheel, and with the skill of a noble sailor, he turned the Frigate around. As they got closer to the island, they saw that it was uninhabited, for there were no docks of any kind to be seen. The Captain dispatched several sloops to go ashore, and he himself took his own. As they reached land, they scurried out of their boats to see what they had discovered. It was a beach, with white sand and trees as far as the eye could see. Pleased, the Captain declared this land founded, and decided to name it after his vessel, "Isya". The Co-Captain, Elderine, came up to the Captain and slung his arm around his shoulder and said, "Roumen, you really have outdone yourself." Grinning, Roumen turned to Elderine and simply replied, "Yeah." The two of them made their way back to the Frigate and prepared for however long it would take to create a society out of this wilderness. As the boats drifted back to the Frigate, Uruga watched them from the shade of a tree. She had never seen such strange creatures; they were fair skinned, and walked like she did. Yet, she was the only being she knew of that walked on two legs and formed words. She became fascinated with them, and yet terrified all at the same time. Slowly, Uruga shuffled back to her cave, and wondered what this all meant.

Canada. (Yes, that's the title of my post.)

(No lyrics today, just writing.)

So.. School's out! Yippee. No more work to do. Except some summer assignment. Fun. It's kinda messed up.. But I can't really complain this year. Besides, all it is is reading and taking notes. Big deal. Not. I can knock it out in a week. Then, move on with summer. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

So, mom took me and Juli to the library the other day, so I could find what book I needed for the summer assignment (but she didn't tell me we were going to the library. So.. I had no clue what to look for. Silly mother. Hahaha.) Anyways, she dropped us off, and Juli did her thing- Which translates into "Juli checked out 10 books. Like she always does." I went to go check out my favorite book, Glass Tiger. (By the way, if you're reading this, I give it a 10000/10 stars, because it's about the story of an ex-sniper who left the marines, and the main character who tracks him down before he assassinates the president. It's amazing, I love it!) On my way to check it out, my eye caught a sight of "Helen of Troy" as well. If you know me, you know I LOVE Greek mythology, and history in general. The Trojan war is really interesting to me. Anyways, I checked that out as well. Good day, I think.

We got home, and I was bored. SO, I played Pac Man. Little trivia fact, did you know that in Japanese, "Pac" means eat? Doesn't it all make sense?! Haha. I'm such a dork. Oh well, get over it. I eventually got bored of it, so I went to look up this Anime called "Axis Powers Hetalia" that a few of my friends have been raving over. I sort of lost my interest in Manga and Anime over the years, but they said it's amazing, so I went for it.

My. God. It is genius! Two things I absolutely love, all in the same thing- Cartoons, and History. I wish All my classes could be like that; I'm a visual learner, see? Anyways, each individual country is a person, all with stereotypical personalities. It starts out with Italy, and he (or she, I can't really tell...) is discovered by Germany, a big tall and buff blond guy. Italy is sort of an idiot who's obsessed with Pasta and women, and Germany is no-nonsense and proper. They stumble upon Japan, who's quiet, mysterious, and composed. The author of the manga really did have a sense of humor, because he does WW1, WW2, and events like the American Revolution (which actually made me cry a little, admittedly, because America and England used to be so close). Eventually, you come across the Allied powers, and a few of them are America, England, France, and a few others. America eats like there is no tomorrow (he loves hamburgers), and he's obsessed with super heroes. England is a little stuck up and cynical, and France is.. Well, France. Russia comes across as friendly, but he's sort of creepy.

Then, there's Canada.

He's always forgotten by everyone else, even his polar bear. In turn, he forgets his bears name as well. He and America are twins, separated at birth, and America still forgets who he is from time to time. His physical appearance is really simple- Blond, blue eyes, and this little twirl of hair on top of his head. He's really REALLY quiet, and has this ability to turn transparent. So.. No one knows he's there.

Now.. There's this joke that I look JUST like him. And I admit- I do. HE and I have the same length hair, a red jacket, and a white bear. However, he and I are nothing alike. I'm more like America. Outgoing, loud, and nuts. All the same, I did a picture of what I'd look like if I was Canada on Photoshop last night.

(See?! Haha.)

Well, that's that.

Another successful post.

Have a wonderful summer, reader!

~ Tim

Thank You for Loving Me

The following post is probably going to be one of the longest I've ever written.

And I've written some long posts before.

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light

This is for my friends. All of my friends. And I'm probably going to run out of lyrics from this song, so, yeah. Bear with me, please.

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words tonight

Dear Josh,

Thank you so much for all that you've ever done for me. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and I'm so thankful for it all. You've stuck it out with me in the best of times, and in the worst. I remember the day you left for Colorado, a little part of me left with you. You've always been there when I needed someone to cry on, when I needed someone to talk to, when I needed advice, and when I was feeling down and just needed your company. When you got back from Colorado, I was very very happy. My best friend had come home.

When I look back at our friendship, I'm glad we went through all of it. Our childhood, growing up, the separation, and then adolescence. Middle school was a blast with you around, Chewning and what not. We had ups and downs, sure. Everyone does. But I'm glad we had all of it- 'cause you're my best friend, and we came to be so going through all of that.

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes when I couldn't see for
Parting my lips when I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

Dear Annie,

You have no idea how much you've changed my life. Before sixth grade, I had met you, and we said maybe two words the whole year at Little River. Then, when sixth grade came along, what you refer to as "the rise of the chipmunks" began, the day you sat down with us. You and Josh seemed to hit it off better than you and I did, but nonetheless, we became fast friends. Sadly, the next year, Josh left us. After much bickering, both of us let it go, and decided "hey, we have each other, and a few other friends." Now, these few other friends were quite.. Well, you know what I mean. Anyways, I tended to stay out of the catfights and drama, and you came to me when all that was over. And I was there to cheer you up. And so, what I refer to as " the era of the two witch-burning chipmunks" began. You know what I mean.

Sadly, again, we departed after two years of burning witches and making fun of our language arts teacher, and you went to Carrington, where you were reunited with Josh and you met Tina. I was slated to DSA, where I met several people I'll never forget. After eighth grade, and much drama, you and Tina switched to DSA, where I was like the lone wanderer or something. The three of us had our laughs, and then tenth grade rolled around. (oddly enough, "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi just came on the radio!) You believed that Tenth would be hell for you. Well, I dunno if it was for you, but it has been for me. And you've been with me, every step of the way. I cannot properly thank you enough for all that you've done for me. It would take all my life to repay you for the kindness you have shown me in a few short years. Thank you so so so much, for everything.

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue

Dear Tina,

I know the first thing rolling through your mind is "Oh lord. What's he going to say...?" Well, what I'm going to say is "Thank you", then "I'm sorry". You know how sorry I already am, for everything. I've told you. And while I can't take back it all, and while it's of absolutely no help, I am still your friend, much to my delight. We talked on Skype a few days ago, for the first time in what feels like decades. I had to really try so hard so I could get you to see that I'm of good intentions. And I'd like to go on being your friend. What's over is over, and when ever you need anything, know that I'm right here. I always have been. When I needed you, you were there, right alongside Annie and Elizabeth. Thank you, so very much. I can't express how thankful I am for all that you've done for me.

Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Dear Elizabeth,

You are such an awesome person, you know? Not only is your spirit strong and caring, but you manage to keep a positive attitude, even when faced with a massive obstacle. Positivity runs deep within your kind and compassionate soul, don't ever let that go. Be what you have been for me for everyone you meet. You'll change their lives, just as you have changed mine. Thank you for being my amazing friend. I mean it, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes when I couldn't see
For parting my lips when I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Dear Hanna,

You already know how much I care about you. Heck, you've posted a few blog posts with me tagged in one or two. Your last one totally made my month, though, because it meant so very very much to me. I mean it when I say Thank you for loving me. Sure, I only met you halfway through the school year, properly, and sure, I was a little childish about meeting you at first, what with my making fun of you for being shorter than me. Which, you are, by the way. Haha. I tease. But really, you've been one of the most amazing people you ever could be to me

this past school year. I love you to death, and you never cease to amaze me. You're a tough soul, you show your spiritual strength when you deal with harsh circumstances. And you've seen it all, you've seen the worst. And you've stayed through it all. Thank you for helping me to follow in your footsteps and be the best that I can be as well.

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me, yeah

Dear Alex W,

Hey there. It seems like this year lasted forever, doesn't it? Haha. Well, you've been one of my best friends for two years, and I know you maybe probably won't read this unless I send it out to you, but thank you. We've had some times where we got tossed into the pavement, and some times where it was the opposite. But all the while, you stayed my friend, and I'm glad. You really know how to cheer someone up if they've been down. And you pick up on it easier than some. Don't ever lose that keen eye of yours. Don't ever lose your compassionate soul either. I hope someone can do for you all that you've ever done for me.

Lock the doors
Leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words tonight

Dear Kelly,

If you end up somehow reading this (I think I WILL send this out to everyone), I want you to know that you have such a tender loving spirit. When I was down and upset, you'd be there, with a card, and some loving words of wisdom. I know I've messed up sometimes, sometimes worse than other times. You were the first to forgive, and accept it. Thank you for being who you are, thank you for doing what you've done for me, and thank you for listening to me, every time that you did. It all meant the world to me.

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes oh, when I couldn't see
You parted my lips when I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You, all of you, have impacted my life. Drastically. And I'll never be able to repay all that you've done for me, all the kindness you've shown me. Thank you, SO much, all of you. I love each and every one of you, so so much.

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips when I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Thank you.

Really.

Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Oh for loving me

~ Tim

Bounce

I came to terms with myself a few hours ago. I was lying in bed, playing some stupid game on my iPod, then fell asleep. I had a dream where I actually met myself. Odd, I know. Anyways, me and myself had a talk. He (Me, I guess) told me that I needed to stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks about me. I reminded myself of one of our favorite quotes by Dr. Seuss

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

~Dr. Seuss

I been knocked down so many times
Counted out 6, 7, 8, 9
Written off like some bad deal
If you're breathing you know how it feels
Call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don't give up

I told myself that life is short, and I'm at the age where worrying isn't supposed to be a daily routine. I'm supposed to be having fun. My mother had told me this prior to my nap, I guess that's why I said that. I woke up, and realized that everything on my mind was so simple and pointless to even think about. This girl, ****, had been leading me on for a while, and I found out recently that I creep her out. It came as a blow to my self esteem. A huge blow. She'd led me on all year, and I had no idea. I met her this year, and I liked her, a lot. We were fast friends, so I thought. All of it was for show, I suppose. But I don't care anymore, she can go live her life without me, I don't care. When she breaks up with her boyfriend, and tries to come back to me, which has happened on more than one occasion, I'm going to tell her "No, I can't do this anymore. Leave me alone."

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

I'm so happy to now know the truth about her. It's like a huge burden off of my chest. Thank God, I can move on. I can't believe that I fell for the whole routine. Oh well, C'est la vie.

This ain't no game; I play it hard
Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred
I'll take the hit but not the fall
I know no fear, still standing tall
You can call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don't give up

In light of recent events, I'm single, and kinda crushing. =9 There's this girl, and I like her. We've been talking for a few days, and she's about a year younger than me. She's really really nice, and just as crazy as me. However; As I've learned, I need to take my time moving into relationships. I can't fly into them like I did, I can't make things go really really fast, though I know how, because for SOME reason, my words are like honey. Hahaha. Great.

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

Ah, haha. Josh, you were right, being single is kinda fun. I don't have to worry about one specific person, and I can flirt mercilessly. And I do, admittedly. It's quite the bad habit.

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I call your bluff
It ain't karma, it ain't luck
Me, I just don't give up

Oh yeah, summer is right around the freaking corner. I am SO pumped. I'm getting a job, hopefully, because I need one. I'll be at the beach sometimes, and I can't wait to get a tan. IF I have time. I mowed the grass today without a shirt in an attempt to do so. And because it was hot. Juli says I have a sexy back. Haha. Thanks Juli.

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

I'm so bouncing back from this depression that it ain't even funny.

Bounce, Bounce
Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

I believe now would be the appropriate time to insert the wise words of a very very smart friend of mine, who I'm glad I know, and glad to have known, and will miss her for most of the rest of my life.

"Think in terms of what you can do, not what may limit you." ~Celes

She's right, and I take it to heart. =]

As I'm wrapping up this post, Hanna, I love you to death. You're awesome, and yes you are, I'm not lying. Thanks for being an awesome pal, and you're right, I'm not letting this friendship die either. ;]

~ Tim

Everybody's got a cross to bear

I keep coming back to the same problem, don't I? I fly into relationships way too quickly. Why? Why me? Why does it always have to be me? Bad relationship this, bad relationship that. Hell, why love someone if it means you're going to creep them out?! I don't care anymore! I'm done! Done.

I was walking around, just a face in the crowd
Trying to keep myself out of the rain
Saw a vagabond king wear a styrofoam crown
Wondered if I might end up the same
There's a man out on the corner
Singing old songs about change
Everybody got their cross to bare, these days

Done, yeah, right. I'm not done. I'm a glutton for punishment. Shit. Why? Because I'm a freaking moron, that's why. *sigh* DAMMIT, I don't care anymore. It's not like I can fix this. As much as I hate to admit it, this seems pretty much unfixable.

She came looking for some shelter with a suitcase full of dreams
To a motel room on the boulevard
Guess she's trying to be James Dean
She's seen all the disciples and all the "wanna be's"
No one wants to be themselves these days
Still there's nothing to hold on to but these days

I really don't want to be me right now. I'm not sure a hobo would switch places with me. Unless that hobo was God and he wanted to fix my sorry punk-ass life. No.. I dunno. I feel stereotypical, feeling like this. I don't want to be stereotypical, I promised myself I wouldn't. But it SEEMS that puberty isn't as easy to control as I thought Hormones are bitches.

These days - the stars seem out of reach
These days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
These days - are fast, love don't last in this graceless age
There ain't nobody left but us these days

These days, I want to shove my foot up someone's ass. These days, I want to find someone to love me. These days, I'm underweight, and happy with my body. These days, hormones hate me. These days, I'm usually so caught up in emotions that I come across as blank when someone looks at me, like I'm fighting some battle with myself in my mind.

Jimmy Shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
From a second story window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
His momma said he was crazy - he said momma "I've got to try"
Don't you know that all my heroes died
And I guess I'd rather die than fade away

*sigh* Well, as I've told myself, I'm done, and although I'm probably NOT done, I'll at least make some conscious effort to BE done.

These days - the stars seem out of reach
But these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
These days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
Even innocence has caught the morning train
And there ain't nobody left but us these days

From now on, I'm changed. I'm not giving a damn about it anymore. If I find someone I like, I'm not going to fly into a relationship. I need to get to know said person, take them out on a date, or SOMEthing. Maybe icecream, or something. How's that creepy? It shouldn't be. I have no intention of being creepy to begin with. I just.. Don't know how to do it right. Because I'm a screw up.

These days - the stars seem out of reach
But these days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
These days are fast, love don't lasts-in this graceless age
Even innocence has caught the morning train
And there ain't nobody left but us these days

I need a hobby. A good, solid hobby. Not an MMORPG, not something computer related. Not... stamps. Something.. Something fun. Like a sport. Or drawing. Drawing.. Yeah! I shuld join one of those websites, maybe I'll try Deviantart again. I dunno. See what happens.

These days - the stars seem out of reach
These days - there ain't a ladder on these streets
These days - are fast, nothing lasts
There ain't no time to waste
There ain't nobody left to take the blame
There ain't nobody left but us these days

Well, that's my rant for the hour, folks.

Thanks for listening, sorry about that, I'll post a happy post next.

~ Tim

It's hard.

I need to put my feelings into words, once again. I need to let out something I've been meaning to let out for a long time, but never had the courage to do it. I've not had the time, either, but I've not had the courage to tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I wish I could take back everything I've ever said to you, everything I've ever done to you.

It ain't no fun lying down to sleep
And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
Would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
On some one-way trip

I can't stress to you how much you mean to me. I met you in kindergarten, and we were fast friends. You and I both believe firmly in Jesus, and that was the root of our friendship. We shared love for the same man, the man who carried his cross up the hill, and then died upon it to save both you and I. To save us from our sins, to save us from what we have done, are doing, and will do in the future.

I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul
I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home

When you transferred to my school, I was happy. I met you and another friend of mine, both of you I hadn't seen in years. To be honest, I ran right past you; My friend referred to me as a "Blond Blur" who rushed by. How could I know that in the next year or two I would hurt you so bad, or how bad you would hurt me?

It would all have been so easy
If you'd only made me cry
And told me how you're leaving me
To some organ grinder's lullaby

Yes, you and I dated for a while. We were crazy for each other, but at the same time, we both were unsatisfied. So.. I ended it, after you kept hinting at it. I didn't have the strength to tell you I was sorry- I was on my knees, weeping, because I knew, deep down, you hated me.

It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

I had a horrible day, one day, months after we broke up. I ended up in guidance, telling the counselor all that was on my mind (which was everything and everyone's troubles), and I cried for about an hour, just thinking. You and two other friends wrote me letters, telling me how much you missed me, and wanted me to tell you what was up when something was. And I felt happy. It made me happy that you cared.

You didn't, though...

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to
Well - me, these days
I just miss you - it's the nights that I go insane
Unless you're coming back for me
That's one thing I know that won't change

You didn't talk to me for weeks after that. You haven't talked to me SINCE that day. Why tell me you loved me, if you didn't at all...?

It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

I'm not perfect. Neither are you. But.. We can't dwell on that which angers us. Besides, that was last year, and I know you told me that you needed some time. You've had time. You had your chance. (Hell, I set you up with your current boyfriend.) But now.. Don't. Just don't try, if the thought crosses your mind.

Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart
And we'll find you somebody else new
But I've made my last trip to those carnival lips
When I bet all that I had on you

It's been a hard decision, but I've decided to let you go. We've been through so much.. And I respect that. But I can't do this anymore, I can't worry about how you think of me. You can love me, you can hate me. Just don't tell me.

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard, so hard
It's hard letting you go
It's hard, so hard, it's tearing out my heart
But it's hard letting you go

That's it, I'm done... It's been nice knowing you, I wish you the best.. Have a good life...

~ Tim

Say it isn't so.

I've had a rough weekend. I know it's memorial day weekend, and I should be all "yaaaaay, break time", but it hasn't been "break time". It's been "Oh **** time"

I just can't believe
It was all a lie
No man in the moon
Just a big light in the sky

First of all, I failed my Algebra 2 EOC. I failed it SO bad that I don't have to come back and retake it. The department of education has deemed me a hopeless case, so they believe that more education and another retake would simply be a waste of time. And paper. So.. Yeah. Damn.

I hear Disneyland
Might lose Mickey Mouse
In some giant hostile corporate shake-up
Tell me it's a nightmare
Please wake me up

So.. I took my guitar exam, knowing full well that I failed my previous EOC. I know that affected my playing, or my sight-reading at least. I sang and played "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi, and I did phenomenally. I think I did, at least. I'm not much of a vocalist (I've never been really trained), and I'm still getting used to the whole Singing AND Playing atthesametime. But, I pulled it off, and received a nice applause from my small class of guitar mates.

Say it isn't so

So.. The exam went A: Present solo songs. B: Guitar Exam (Sight reading, chords, scales, etc.) C: Free time (We watched "Up".) After everyone was through presenting, we proceeded to the exam portion, and I messed up a few times, but did overall well. After everyone was done, we went on to watch Up, and then the bell rang for lunch. I was really down about my EOC grade still, and my best guy friend at school, Quentin, picked up on it. He walked me around school for a while while I played the guitar for random people eating. I met up with another friend of mine, and the three of us talked until the bell rang.

I found a book of matches
From someplace we've never been
How come you hang the phone up
The minute I walk in

We reviewed for Civics for Two. Freaking. Hours. It was painful, until we had to play Jeopardy. That was fun. 'cept the group I was with didn't know hardly anything, and they all turned to me for answers. Say it isn't so.

Last night I had this dream
That I was losing you
I woke up in a cold sweat shaking
Rescue me my heart is breaking

I didn't know all of them, but I know a few. We didn't win (shocker there, huh?), and the review session was finally over. Quentin and I made our way to the car pick-up line, and I met my dad in the parking lot across from school. I gave him the bad news about Algebra, and we had a talk, I got a little frustrated, and then it was okay. Sort of.

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's all right (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so

We made our way to a hotel (it was mom's birthday, and we were doing this for her), and we set up shop in the room, and went down to the pool afterwards. It wasn't very big, but it was good enough. I tore my shirt off shortly after we got there, and dove in the water. Juli, my sister, told me I have a "Sexy Back". Thanks, Juli. Actually, when she told me that, I realized that I'm actually happy with the way my body looks. Three or four years ago, I was NOT happy. At all. I was a little large, and now I'm a little underweight. I like it that way, though.

Superman don't fly
They did it all with strings
Elvis Presley died
They deep fried the king
Like some tacky cheesy bathing beauty
Dancing on the beach in a bad b-movie

I got out after a while, dried off, and put my shirt back on. My head was hurting a little bit, but I figured it was just a small headache. when we got upstairs, I pulled out my bed, and laid down for a little. My head was hurting a little more, and my parents set some medicine out after a while. I was asleep before I could take it, though. When I woke up, I took another swim, then conked out again.

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's all right (couldn't be, not you)

I woke up at 3am, with a searing migraine. It hurt so bad that I almost got sick about five times. It's the worst migraine I've ever had, and that's pretty bad because the worst one I've ever had was incredible. I sat up in bed, holding my head for about 30 minutes, then my parents woke up, and saw that I was in pain, and gave me the medicine in a snap. I calmed down, and fell asleep again after a while.

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything all right (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so...

When I woke up, four hours later, my headache was gone. Entirely. It was amazing. Best feeling I've ever felt, the feeling of not being in pain after being in agonizing pain. I helped mom gather breakfast, and we ate, and the went for a swim. My baby cousins soon got there, and we had dinner together, then we all left for home (except mom, she stayed). I was happy to be home...

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's all right (couldn't be, not you)

Yesterday and today have been.. Bad. I can't say why, and perhaps it's intensified because I'm terribly bored (I've bee playing an MMORPG called "Fiesta" nonstop for hours), but it was a really bad incident earlier that I don't want to repeat.

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything all right (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so

All in all.. I'm looking forward to school. Just not really.

(The lyrics were from Bon Jovi's "Say It Isn't So")

~ Tim

Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. For example, if you have a strong dislike for someone, you might instead believe that he or she does not like you. Projection functions to allow the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.

(I found this definition HERE.)

Well, I don't show off, don't criticize
I'm just livin' by my own feelings
And I won't give in, won't compromise
I just only have a steadfast heart of gold

Hey gang... I'll explain the definition at the top in a bit, but first, I have a few things to talk about. So.. I might be getting a hedgehog. There's a strong possibility that I will be owning my own hedgehog. I am so flipping excited I can't wait. I need to get a job as soon as possible, though. If I get one, that means I need a cage, food, water, a place to put the cage, and there's always toys. But still, my mom is considering letting me have my own hedgehog. I want a boy, because boys are always less aggressive than girls. And I'm going to name him Dante. Dante the Hedgehog. Totally epic.

I don't know why, I can't leave though it might be tough
But I ain't out of control, just livin' by my word
Don't ask me why, I don't need a reason
I got my way, my own way

My friend that snapped at me last week.. I sorted things out with her today. I went to go see my guidance counselor about what I should do, and she told me that she needed to call both of us in there together so that we could talk. I was really for it. So, she wrote me a pass, and told me to come back 15 minutes before the end of the day.

It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fight
There is no way I will run away from all of my frights
Long as the voice inside me says go, I will always keep on running
There is no way to stop me from going to the very top

So, I did.

It doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right

I got in there, and my friend was already there, and she seemed to be in a good mood. That was a good sign. We sat down, and we talked for a bit. All this past week/end, I felt that I was just bugging her to death. I kept getting that impression. So, I avoided her. (I'm glad I made it discreet, because she had no idea I was actually going out of my way to avoid her.) We talked, got off topic a little, and kept talking, something I rarely get to do with her anymore. Anyways, she told me that it was nothing personal, she just needed space. And I have to understand that. I need to realize that I can't be the one to solve all her problems, even if I want to. I can't. She needs to be able to work them out on her own. So, she's asked me to let her be for a while, but she's not mad. Just stressed.

Well, I won't look back I don't need to
Time won't wait and I got so much to do

Okay, I can do that, right?

Where do I stop, it's all a blur and so unclear
Well, I don't know but I can't be wrong

Today, right before second period, I asked a friend of mine if she was okay. She'd had a bad Friday, and I wanted to make sure she was all right, you know? She told me that she was, and if I asked again, she'd hit me. She was kidding, but another friend of mine noticed this and told me that she thought I was projecting. I asked her why, and she told me why.

This fight is not for anybody, this is purely for myself
There is no way I'm gonna give up 'til the very end
I can't tell what is wrong and what is right, I've got to find the answer
But I do there's no way I will ever give up

The definition says that it's a defense mechanism that involves taking our own bad feelings and ascribing them to something else. Well, I've almost always got something troubling on my mind, and that makes me think that everyone around me has something on their mind. So, I always ask people if they're okay. And I'm guilty of that, on a number of levels. I agree with my friend, I'm projecting.

Place all your bets on the one you think is right

All in all, it was a good Monday.

It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fight
There is no way I will run away from all of my frights
Long as the voice inside me says go, I will always keep on running
There is no way to stop me from going to the very top

(The lyrics I used were from Crush 40's "It Doesn't Matter")

~Tim