You know you're real productive when...

...you and four or five of your best friends go to see a movie you hate and two of you mock it the whole time. Believe me, it MAY piss off everyone around you, but it is a hell of a lot of fun! Haha. No, I tease. Eclipse, while the Twilight saga may not be my favorite set of movies, was for the most part okay. Me and Annie were cracking up through the whole thing, and that's probably why I had fun. That and cookout afterwards. Anyways, it was a great day, we had a lot of laughs, and I enjoyed it all.

I'm going to miss these days.

I mean, I'm going to be a freaking Junior next year. Really?! An upperclassmen, me?! Who died and decided that was going to happen? I'm still a kid! Albeit I turn seventeen in less than three months, but still! I'm too young for this. *sigh* To be honest, I'm nervous. This past year, sophomore year, was horrible. It was absolutely positively the worst year of school I've ever had the horror of living through. Hell, I think part of me died last year. And it was all to do with stupid, childish games, dramatic idiots leading me and my best friends on, lies, and just nonsense. I've never seen so many teenagers act like absolute babies. And I was in the middle of it, because I CHOSE to be in the middle of it. I chose badly, too. I'm like that- I like to help, I like to be there, I like to do what I can, and I had a hard time realizing that I'm only sixteen! I'm not a counselor, I'm not God, I'm not even an adult! I'm a kid. A kid who doesn't know that calling 911 for a friend who is being beaten is the ONLY way to help with that situation. It took me so long to figure that out. It took me up until the very last day I went to school before summer to figure that out. I wish I could go back, lay a hand on my shoulder, and tell me that I can't do all that, not now. My mother, someone who's far braver, and far wiser than I think I could ever be, once told me that I'm not superman. I can't save everyone. And I now see that she's right. And I'm sorry, for everyone that I tried to help. I probably ended up hurting you, in the end.

I did a lot of hurting myself, last year. I hurt, and made other hurt. I hurt because, well, two reasons: I'm an idiot, and, well, I'm an idiot. The first way is because when it comes to love, I have no idea where I'm going, or what I'm doing. All I know is sex is a disease that can kill you before you're married. Well that's what I'm TOLD. I'm not sure I believe it, but it's drilled into my head that abstinence is key. So, I'm still a virgin. But back to my point, I don't know what to do with love. Sure, I loved someone last year, and broke her heart a time or two. Unintentionally. But we're over that, and I wouldn't change our relationship for the world, and she knows that. I've told her. The second way I'm an idiot is that I get so involved in other peoples problems, so intertwined, that I become like a sponge: I soak up their emotions, and I make them my own. I get to know how they feel, and I worry. God, do I worry. I worry twenty four hours a day, eight days a week. But.. I'm getting better. I'm not the same idiot I was, either way.

As scary as this year coming up seems, I think it'll be better than last year. I'm armed with knowledge, and new found wisdom: I admit I'm not superman. I can't always help, I can turn you to someone who can, though. But I'm not superman, nor have I ever been.

~ Tim