It's hard.

I need to put my feelings into words, once again. I need to let out something I've been meaning to let out for a long time, but never had the courage to do it. I've not had the time, either, but I've not had the courage to tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I wish I could take back everything I've ever said to you, everything I've ever done to you.

It ain't no fun lying down to sleep
And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
Would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
On some one-way trip

I can't stress to you how much you mean to me. I met you in kindergarten, and we were fast friends. You and I both believe firmly in Jesus, and that was the root of our friendship. We shared love for the same man, the man who carried his cross up the hill, and then died upon it to save both you and I. To save us from our sins, to save us from what we have done, are doing, and will do in the future.

I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul
I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home

When you transferred to my school, I was happy. I met you and another friend of mine, both of you I hadn't seen in years. To be honest, I ran right past you; My friend referred to me as a "Blond Blur" who rushed by. How could I know that in the next year or two I would hurt you so bad, or how bad you would hurt me?

It would all have been so easy
If you'd only made me cry
And told me how you're leaving me
To some organ grinder's lullaby

Yes, you and I dated for a while. We were crazy for each other, but at the same time, we both were unsatisfied. So.. I ended it, after you kept hinting at it. I didn't have the strength to tell you I was sorry- I was on my knees, weeping, because I knew, deep down, you hated me.

It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

I had a horrible day, one day, months after we broke up. I ended up in guidance, telling the counselor all that was on my mind (which was everything and everyone's troubles), and I cried for about an hour, just thinking. You and two other friends wrote me letters, telling me how much you missed me, and wanted me to tell you what was up when something was. And I felt happy. It made me happy that you cared.

You didn't, though...

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to
Well - me, these days
I just miss you - it's the nights that I go insane
Unless you're coming back for me
That's one thing I know that won't change

You didn't talk to me for weeks after that. You haven't talked to me SINCE that day. Why tell me you loved me, if you didn't at all...?

It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

I'm not perfect. Neither are you. But.. We can't dwell on that which angers us. Besides, that was last year, and I know you told me that you needed some time. You've had time. You had your chance. (Hell, I set you up with your current boyfriend.) But now.. Don't. Just don't try, if the thought crosses your mind.

Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart
And we'll find you somebody else new
But I've made my last trip to those carnival lips
When I bet all that I had on you

It's been a hard decision, but I've decided to let you go. We've been through so much.. And I respect that. But I can't do this anymore, I can't worry about how you think of me. You can love me, you can hate me. Just don't tell me.

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard, so hard
It's hard letting you go
It's hard, so hard, it's tearing out my heart
But it's hard letting you go

That's it, I'm done... It's been nice knowing you, I wish you the best.. Have a good life...

~ Tim